I cradled my baby, smelled her sweet head, and kissed her softly. I am tired, worn out, and so ready for this teething process to be over. I have to admit there are moments I just want to scream and runaway. I get so sick of all the crying and knowing there is nothing that I can do for this little one, except hold her close and just love the shit out of her. Physically though, this has been draining for me and the sleepless nights leave me irritable and have me wanting to pull my hair out.
just the other morning, (as in three or four in the morning) I had been woken up by a crying, hurting baby and I was done, I was ready to throw in the towel. I remained as calm as I could and I finally was able to get her back to sleep, I closed my eyes and tried hard to fall back to sleep with her but I couldn't. As thoughts were racing through my mind allowing for precious sleep-time to pass by I figured I'd do some blog reading. I ran across this blog: The progressive parent. Tears ran down my face. I was bawling, and feeling so sad that I was getting so upset and irritated with my teething baby. You see, this momma lost her little one from SUDC also known as SIDS, at 14 months. He had just taken his first step and then it was decided that his home in Heaven needed him much more than his home on Earth. After I finished reading this I kissed my sweet angel laying next to me. Touched her little toes, and thanked God I had this time with her.
Also friend of mine, who I had been discussing the teething situation, reminded me how amazing it is that I have the opportunity to be able to comfort my little one as she is going through this process. In our conversation I could see tears in her eyes and she told me her story. She is a parent to one, a boy who is now 15. They adopted him when he was, I think she said 18 months old. "I watched videos of him slobbering and hurting in the center, and it hurts so bad that I couldn't be there to pick him up and comfort him." The emotion and hurt behind her words touched my heart so much. I am so lucky that I can hold my baby tight and love her, comfort, kiss her and try to make her feel better with my love.
These sleepless nights will only last for so long, and these moments of being able to cuddle and hold her close in my arms will be gone before I can blink my eyes. I know this because it happened to fast with my little Alexsis Rae. My now six year old barely fits in my lap. Seems like only yesterday I was cradling her and kissing her little bald head.
I do not focus on the thought of losing my children, they are not happy thoughts and I've had more than one friend lose a child, their pain breaks my heart. But... I do remind myself how important it is to take a deep breath and realize how lucky I am that I have been given these moments with my little ones. I am so lucky that I get to hold my children tight, smell their sweet skin, feel their giant bear hugs, wipe away their tears, put bandaids on their boo boo's, send them to time-out, rock them to sleep as they fuss, be woken up in the middle of the night to nurse, wipe away boogers, change stinky diapers, clean up puke, brush their hair as they scream NO!, read bedtime stories, check under the bed for scary monsters, listen to secrets, watch them learn and grow.
I am so privileged that I get to be on their journey and love them unconditionally.