Sometimes I cry. Not because my feelings are hurt, not because I am in physical pain. But because there is so much more to this life. I know where I want to be but I have yet to find the exact path but i'm getting there. I'm scared, excited, and filled with so much hope. I have so much to learn and so much to offer but where do I start? Where do I find my path of greatness?
All of my life I've felt different. In elementary up until eighth grade I knew who I was. I wasn't afraid, I didn't care and I tried to love everyone. I wasn't perfect and I had moments of meanness that I am totally ashamed of, but I wasn't afraid of being different. We hit high-school and everything changed. I was different and I knew it. I couldn't stand cliques and never joined any teams or programs because I never felt like it fit. I hated the competition. I disliked how the people on such and such teams treated others. It was as if you weren't accepted if you didn't belong to some sort of team and you were treated with dis-respect and hatefulness. I hated that, it cut me to the core. Instead of having groups of girlfriends and trying to be a part of something and socialize I decided to get a job at 13. I loved working, I loved being away from the cliques and working with people that were older and didn't attend my school. I hated trying to be something I was not. I didn't fit in the social scene and I didn't want to. I wanted something more from the human race. Since then I've always been on this journey to find like minded people. I found a few through out my life that just accepted ME for Me and I thank God for them because they showed me love at my worst and laughed with me and my oddness although they may have never understood me. They repeatedly reminded me that I was something and it definitely wasn't nothing.
I've been drawn to fairy's and magic all of my life; wishing I could hold the powers within me. Wishing so badly they existed and deep down believing they were real. Just because something is unseen doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm deeply in love with the power of the moon. The healing of crystals and the importance of energy healing. I've been called crazy for my belief in such things. I didn't grow up with people teaching me about these things. I grew up in a small town where everyone attended the same church, and no one really lived the "rules".
How can you live a way but believe in something different?
This confused me. My soul was drawn to this unconventional way of life; this spiritual healing from within my own body. I just can't get enough knowledge. I want MORE MORE & MORE. Slowly I am learning and slowly my EGO is fading. MY EGO IS FADING. OH MY GOD how amazing this feels. FREEDOM at last. I'm not quite there but I'm headed in that direction.
Fot the past SEVEN years I've been on this journey of self love. I knew I wouldn't find it in my little town where people loved me but where I was so misunderstood. It just wasn't there. YES It's true! I search for auras trying to see their glow. AND I'm getting better with practice. Yes I have tarot cards they speak to me and help me through my journey. So I moved away to another small town. I was raised to believe in one true religion, so I thought moving away would give me answers. I really tried I TRUELY tried to be a part of it all. I've had religion jammed down my throat from the day I was born. I was drowning. I went to church like I was supposed to and God spoke to me, but it wasn't complete... something just didn't feel right. It didn't make me feel alive it made me shrink up inside. I felt like the certain things that called to me so strongly were so right when they were telling me it was so wrong. Something was wrong with me!? I knew this couldn't be how it was supposed to feel. I couldn't do it. I cried, and I cried hard. I cried while kneeling at my bedside and praying as hard as I could. While my hands filled with tears. I asked God... I told God, "I can't do this. It doesn't feel right to me as hard as I try and try again I cannot live this religion." I stopped, I listened and then God spoke to me as plain as day "You are enough, you are loved, you are great, YOU ARE OKAY JUST BEING YOU." As these words ran through my head I had this amazing feeling of comfort. I felt so much peace in this moment. My body felt warm as if I were receiving a giant hug.
Tears still fill my eyes to this day thinking of that moment on my knees. Never in my life have I heard these words so clearly. Never have I felt the way I felt in that moment in any other time in my life. Religion wasn't made for me. It just wasn't and I needed to accept that even though I was being pulled and pulled I needed to push back and be REAL. I needed to be ME. And be OKAY with being me. This post isn't to tell you that religion is bad or wrong. I'm just saying that it isn't for me.
I'm an Indigo, I'm a gypsy goddess. I have this crazy intuition that burns outward from within my soul. I don't live the life of an average person. I wasn't created to sit at a nine to five office job that didn't help me grow as a person.
I wasn't meant to live the "average" life.
I have so much more to offer. Offerings to mother nature, to our moon and the sun, to the unseen fairies, to my sisters of this world, and MOST importantly to my two gorgeous mermaids, my little children born of the rainbow who have so much to teach ME.
I have been given a gift. The gift to be the temporary guide for these beautiful little girl's while on their journey in this lifetime. I was chosen to share with them my love and support. Give to them my offerings.
I know there are going to be some of you who snicker, and think I'm so wrong and maybe a little loony but this is my truth. And I'm going to share this truth from here on out. I'm no longer going to hide behind the giant rock. I will step out and share with you the importance of healing your soul. The importance of self love. I want to share the magic of Mother Earth and how she heals us with nature.
I want to give to you... pieces of my LOVE.
This blog is mine. It is a blog about me and my spiritual journey. It is about SELF LOVE and how to teach our children how beautiful we are. We come from GOD we are a piece of GOD. All of us sisters and brothers; little particles of God. All connected to one another.
I want YOU to be a part of this journey. I want to help you grow and evolve into something bigger something amazing. I love you and my heart hurts to know the pain that comes with sadness and feeling alone. When we are never alone we have that piece of God within us.. that little light that grows ever so dim unless we release our ego. Look how beautiful you are. You were created for a reason, you were created for a purpose and until you find that purpose life will never be meaningful.
If these things offend you then maybe this blog isn't for you. I'm not a preacher but I'm a giver. And I have many gifts to offer. I accept everyone for their beliefs and you are all welcome in my little world.
I cry because these gifts are sealed up, I'm still learning and growing. I haven't yet released my ego.
I cry because I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I cry because I'm overwhelmed with love.
I cry because I am connected to YOU and I feel your pain.
I am JeNeal. I am an Indigo, a gypsy Goddess. I am a Libra. I am a raven that soars high with the wind.
I am a mother to angels. I am a wife to greatness. I am your sister.
Who are YOU?